Sigh....NFL, Week 3

I'm less enthusiastic to do the NFL post this week. I didn't see as much football today; it's grading season, and the essays are rolling in. But I made sure to be in front of the TV for the late game. Sigh. My Steelers looked pretty innefectual in their 23-20 loss at home against the Patties. The loss could have been worse, if not for a long touchdown to Hines Ward and a series of turnovers by Brady and the boys. Ben, in particular, seemed to lose confidence in the 2nd half before the final game-tying drive. The game wasn't pretty on either side, really; we'll have to see what happens when (it seems inevitable) the two teams meet at in the playoffs.

In the mean time, I raise my Yuengling to you, Massachusetts Chris.

My favorite stat of the game: Pats CB Chad Scott, a former 1st-round draft choice of the Steelers, was called for 2 pass interference penalties, for a total of 48 yards.

The Steelers' young corners, Ricardo Colclough and Ike Taylor, look great.

The Stink List:

Packers, 0-3. Poor Favre.
Cardinals, who lost Kurt Warner to a groin injury. He was replaced by...it doesn't matter. Some joker. Say hello, Matt Leinart. (Did you know that Leinart is taking only one class this semester? But he's teaching a master class in scoring with chicks.)
San Francisco, 1-2: Can't wait to see this team duke it out with the Cards twice this year.
Ravens, just for good measure.

The Scary List:

Bengals, 3-0 and atop the AFC Central.
Colts, 3-0: But why didn't they score against the Browns? Are they only scoring when they need to now?

Back to normal: Minnesota started its season this week with a pounding of poor New Orleans. Kyle Orton threw 5 INTs in a big, ugly loss. The Jests lost late. The Jags played tough. The Rams out-slopped the Titans for a home win.

Not normal list: Eli threw for 350 and lost. Miami won, beating the team who beat the Patties last week.

Rooks: Ronnie Brown had 100. Carnell Williams had 150. Damn.

I have high hopes for the Chefs/Broncos MNF game: this, as Groundskeeper Willie said, is the test for the Chief's D. And I think they'll produce, especially given Jake Plummer's all-around suckitude.

Cheers.

Just Like Hell

Last night my wife and I went with our friends to the drive-in for a double feature: Flight Plan, the Jodie Foster thriller (Panic Room on a plane, essentially), and Just Like Heaven, the romantic "comedy" featuring Reese Witherspoon and Mark Ruffalo. Flight Plan was a bit silly, as psychological thrillers often are (how did the baddies come up with such a ridiculously baroque evil plan?), but it kept our interest: Jodie Foster breaks down compellingly, and Peter Sarsgaard is the new John Malkovich: magnetic and eerily cool.

But Just Like Heaven was the worst movie I've seen since I suffered through Serendipity a few years ago. The script contains more cliches than a Hallmark store: Witherspoon is a workaholic doctor who doesn't know what's important in life (apparently, it's not a fulfilling career, foolish mortals), and Ruffalo is a sad-sack landscape architect who has replaced his dead wife with cheap beer. When Witherspoon's character falls into a coma after a car accident, her family sublets her apartment--to Ruffalo. Coincidence? No way. The pair reaquaint each other with life (get it? Ruffalo's alive, but he's really dead inside. Get it?) and eventually--believe it or not--fall in love.

It might seem unsettling to think that your family may sublet your apartment while you're unconscious in a hospital bed, but hey--if it allows your free-roaming spirit to meet the perfect mate, who cares?

The film creates a bizarre world that's half Grey's Anatomy and half Beauty and the Beast, in which normal social conventions do not apply. In one scene, when a restaurant patron collapses, a ghostly Witherspoon coaches Ruffalo through a daring life-saving procedure involving a bottle of vodka and a sharp paring knife. The attending crowd seems unconcerned as, before saving the man's life, Ruffalo rambles wildly, seemingly to himself, and takes a long pull on the vodka bottle. No one seems to mind that this self-proclaimed doctor looks a lot like a schitzophrenic drunk.

Nor does the movie abide by its own physical laws: though Witherspoon can walk through walls and furniture, she can stand on floors and ride in cars. Hmm.

This morning's New York Times contained an article about the appearance of conservative ideology in Hollywood films. The first film mentioned? Just Like Heaven, in which the spirit of the comatose Witherspoon tries desperately to avoid having her plug pulled by her well-meaning sister. The argument could be clearer only if the character's name were Terri Schiavo.

Witherspoon and Ruffalo are both cool and funny, and neither deserves this fate: to wander the discount DVD racks eternally, rattling the chains of their bad decisions, lamenting the death of their hipness. Walmart clerks will wonder each morning who replaced the copies of Just Like Heaven with Election and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Congratulations Marty and Mig

Okay, so Rockstar INXS just ended, and I predicted the outcome: the old fogies in the band chose JD Fortune over Marty (a legitimate rock talent from Chicago) and Mig (an Australian with a stage career and incredible '60s style). JD fits the band fairly well (or, rather, fits the band's sense of what it was 20 years ago), and he cried when he won. Marty, the runner up, didn't seem sad at all. In fact, when INXS floated the idea of making him their opening act, it was clear that he had really won: he gets a world tour, and he doesn't have to sing "New Sensation." Ever.

Now, that's a winner.

NFL, Week 2: Sunday afternoon

It's that time again: time for me to act like I know what I'm talking about regarding the NFL. Again, personal and geographical biases apply.

Steeler update: The Steelers dispatched the second AFC South team in as many weeks; the Texans never really threatened before losing 27-7. Willie Parker had another 100-yard game (111, to be exact), and Roethlisberger threw 2 more TDs. Most impressive for the offense, perhaps, was the success of the deep ball: Cedric Wilson (acquired to replace Plexiglass) had catches of 40 and 36 yards, and Antwaan Randle El had a 54-yard catch. Will those who blasted Cowher for replacing Burress with Wilson eat their crow publicly, or in private? The Steelers also sacked David Carr 8 times, including 3 by Troy Polamalu.

Aren't you tired of the Patriots? So were the Carolina Panthers. (My wife calls them the Pantyliners.) They whipped the Pats and made Brady look frightened. That D is pretty scary. The Pats play in Pittsburgh next weekend.

A Swing of the Pendulum: The 49ers (1-0) lost to the Eagles (0-1) 42-3. The 49ers, apparently, retired after last week.

Look Out: The Colts beat Jacksonville 10-3. It's frightening to think that the high-powered Colts are starting to win games with their defense. (Remember what they did to the Ravens last week.) A team with Payton Manning that can keep another team out of the end zone? Hello, Super Bowl.

The Taste of Bile: The Bears somehow pounded the crap out of the Lions this week. Last week, the Lions handled the Packers without difficulty. The Bears couldn't do anything against the Redskin Potatoes. The Vikings, everyone's choice to leap into contention in the NFC, took one in the gonies against the Bengals. It's a bad time to be a football fan up north.

The Taste of Bile, pt. 2: The Ravens plain stink. Against the Titans today, the team managed 14 yards rushing total. (Remember, Willie Parked put 161 up against the Titans last week.) It seems clear, after 2 weeks, that the Steelers' main competition in the AFC North is the Bengals, who suddenly look like th '99 Rams.

Rookie Watch: No catches for Heath Miller today. Matt Jones caught 2 for 7 yards. Carnell Williams ran for 128 against a tough Bills team.

Fashion Report: The new Bills uniforms are a great choice. That red helmet was terrible.

The Race for Matt Leinart: Who has the early lead on the first pick of the 2006 draft? The Niners looked like a worthy team today, but they wouldn't take a QB. Nor would many of the other early leaders: Bears and Browns have good young QBs. Would the Lions dump Harrington? Would the Texans dump Carr? The Titans, who could use an heir to McNair, did themselves the disservice of winning. Here's my dark horse candidate: the Cardinals. I'm watching their game right now, and, man, does Warner stink!

More soon.

Rockstar INXS

Okay, I admit it: I'm into Rockstar INXS. I derided it early in the summer, when CBS was hyping it heavily; however, when friends of ours watched it while visiting us, I became hooked. It's rare among reality shows for its warmth and goodwill: the show contains only one asshole, and even he is well-liked among fans and fellow contestants. (Actually, it's beginning to look as though he's simply immature, which, for once, isn't seen as an asset.) This week, the four final contestants were winnowed to three; next week, the winner will chosen. (Not surprisingly, last night they dumped the last woman and kept three white men. The one black dude on the show did well, but he's long gone.) Here's the problem, though: the prize--being the lead singer of INXS--seems an anti-climax. Much better, I think, to do well on the show and lose, after the world has seen your chops, than to be stuck singing "New Sensation" for the next five years of your life. None of the singers remaining on the show (and this has been true for weeks) is INXS material. They all have too much ability. Marty, probably the most talented "rocker" (ick) left, won't win, and should be glad. His success could far outstrip INXS's.

Cheers.

Football Talk, Week 1

Some initial thoughts on the first NFL week. Personal and geographical biases apply.

No worries: My beloved Steelers. Roethlisberger sucked all pre-season, but is 9 of 11 with 2 TDs today; third-string RB Willie Parker goes for 160 (don't forget the 48-yard reception); Randle El catches the deep ball; the D bends but does not break. Beautiful. Notice how quickly the game ended, too: pure Bill Cowher.

The hit parade: Former Steeler Plexiglass Burress had five catches and a TD in the Giants win. We'll see.

Incredible suckitude: A tie, I think. The Broncos lost to the woeful Dolphins; Chad Pennington fumbled six times against the Chiefs.

Scary-good: The Chiefs are pitching a shutout. No one needs to see that, given their potential on offense. Bills' D looks scary, too--and Losman looks decent.

Rookie watch: Derrick Johnson has been all over the field for the Chiefs. Heath Miller caught a TD on a day that no Steeler caught more than two balls. In Jacksonville, Matt Jones is doing his thing. He looks massive out there. And the second-highest (to Willie Parker) rushing total for the week? Carnell Williams.

Blech: Bears-Skins. Even the scoreboard was unwatchable. Bears have the inside track on the #1 draft pick in 2006--would they take Leinart?

More suckitude: The Packers gacked it up in Detroit. Or has Joey Harrington arrived? And speaking of gacking: the 49ers are alone atop the NFC West.

Which brings me to the next question: how much does a good coach mean? Ask the Niners. Ask the Dolphins. Ask Notre Dame.

Cheers.

The Truth of the Matter

Kanye West caused a scandal a couple days ago by saying that George Bush doesn't care about Black people. Personally, I was shocked. How could a statement like that be scandalous? Is there a question about whether or not Bush cares about Black people? Obviously he doesn't. I don't think he even cares about seeming as though he cares about Black people. I assumed that West was reading from a White House press release.