Imagine the Wedding Reception

Among the most memorable events of this summer's World Cup, at least to us scandal-loving Americans, was French star Zinedine Zidane's headbutt to Marco Materazzi's chest in the Italy-France match. At the time, rumors circulated that Materazzi had called Zidane's mother, an Algerian immigrant, some variation of "dirty terrorist slut." The story never held much water, but details of the event never emerged to eclipse it, either.

Now Materazzi has fessed up. We pick up the action as the two are running down the pitch; Materazzi is tugging at a wad of Zidane's jersey:

ZZ: If you want my jersey zat badlee, I will give it to you after ze game.

MM: I would rather have your sister. She's a spicy meat-a-ball-a!

ZZ: [muttering, wheels on his opponent]

MM: OOF!

Materazzi points out, and I imagine quite rightly, that similar taunts are uttered virtually every soccer match. In fact, I'm guessing that the six-year-olds that play at the Catholic school up the street from here are at least that rude to each other. But still: vive le Zidane for defending the family's honor!