Redskin Potatoes
With football season on its way, I have been listening to more sports talk radio in the car, which means that I've been listening to some stunningly stupid arguments. Stupidity is unavoidable on sports talk radio, but I'm chafing at some of the things I've been hearing (and reading on ESPN.com) in response to the NCAA's new policy banning "hostile and abusive" Native American mascots, nicknames, and imagery at its events (i.e. the NCAA men's basketball tournament). Sports people are up in arms, using words like "pride" and "tradition" to defend the presence of icons like U of Illinois' Chief Illiniwek and Florida State's famous horse-riding Seminole.
What's next? whine the sports-mouths. No Minnesota Vikings? No Notre Dame Fighting Irish? No Michigan State Spartans?
Here's the difference: Notre Dame has an Irish heritage. Many Europeans who settled in Minnesota were Scandinavian. What's more, Vikings exist only in history, as do Spartans. The world still contains Illini, Seminoles, Utes (U of Utah), and Chippewas (Central Michigan), though considerably fewer of them than it once did. And the tribes referred to in these school names were not a part of the heritage of the school; they point, instead, to the genocidal legacy of the invading Europeans. These names are the equivalent of the animal mascots: lions, bears, wildcats, eagles--ferocious animals all. To the early Europeans in the Americas, the natives were ferocious animals, too. It's hard to imagine that Southeastern Oklahoma State University is honoring its pre-European heritage with the nickname "Savages."
Tonight I heard a talk-show host arguing that Native American mascots honored a brave, resilient people who have survived against great odds. Would that it were so. Movies are full of people surviving against the odds, people who don't show up as mascots: slaves, cancer survivors, survivors of holocausts in Europe and Africa, and so on. But it's unlikely that any of these will show up on the side of a football helmet or emblazoned across a cheerleader's sweater.
I applaud the NCAA for doing its part to promote a culture of respect; no good comes of treating one group of people as another group's mascot. Unfortunately, the NCAA has no say in the two most shockingly racist mascots: Cleveland's baseball Indians and Washington's football Redskins. The Indians' caps feature the visage of a big-nosed, grinning native (Chief Nockahoma? or was this the old Braves' mascot?); the Redskins' helmet features a less cartoon-like but no less appalling picture. Here they are, on cap and helmet:
Obviously, leagues and owners rely on the recognition of these team names and images; to change them would be suicide. But maybe not: a few years ago the NBA's Washington Bullets changed their name to the Wizards; immediately their merchandise became hugely popular. And teams regularly change the design, if not the names, of their mascots: remember Tampa Bay's Bruce the Buccanneer (the gayest mascot ever, incidentally) or the Bengals helmets that said "Bengals" on the side? I was thrilled to hear Tony Kornheiser, the smartest man in sports talk, offer a solution to the Redskins' problem: keep the name, but replace the image on the helmet with a picture of a redskin potato. Now you're not racist; you're delicious.
In the interest of contributing positively to the debate, I'd like to offer some alternative nicknames to the schools cited by the NCAA. Here we go:
Alcorn State University (Braves): Fighting Acorns
Central Michigan University (Chippewas): Ted Nugents
Catawba College (Indians): Awba Cats
Florida State University (Seminoles): Binge Drinkers
Midwestern State University (Indians): Flyovers
University of Utah (Utes): Mormons (almost too easy)
Indiana University-Pennsylvania (Indians): Jimmy Stewarts (he's from Indiana, PA)
Carthage College (Redmen): Hannibals
Bradley University (Braves): Cornstalks
Arkansas State University (Indians): Stag Beetles (hey, they're pretty tough)
Chowan College (Braves): Chow Hounds
University of Illinois-Champaign (Illini): Pillars (the I on the helmet kind of looks like a pillar)
University of Louisiana-Monroe (Indians): Crawdaddies
McMurry University (Indians): Furries
Mississippi College (Choctaws): Plantationers
Newberry College (Indians): The Recreational Boaters
University of North Dakota (Fighting Sioux): Sodbusters
Southeastern Oklahoma State University (Savages): Invaders
Cheers.
What's next? whine the sports-mouths. No Minnesota Vikings? No Notre Dame Fighting Irish? No Michigan State Spartans?
Here's the difference: Notre Dame has an Irish heritage. Many Europeans who settled in Minnesota were Scandinavian. What's more, Vikings exist only in history, as do Spartans. The world still contains Illini, Seminoles, Utes (U of Utah), and Chippewas (Central Michigan), though considerably fewer of them than it once did. And the tribes referred to in these school names were not a part of the heritage of the school; they point, instead, to the genocidal legacy of the invading Europeans. These names are the equivalent of the animal mascots: lions, bears, wildcats, eagles--ferocious animals all. To the early Europeans in the Americas, the natives were ferocious animals, too. It's hard to imagine that Southeastern Oklahoma State University is honoring its pre-European heritage with the nickname "Savages."
Tonight I heard a talk-show host arguing that Native American mascots honored a brave, resilient people who have survived against great odds. Would that it were so. Movies are full of people surviving against the odds, people who don't show up as mascots: slaves, cancer survivors, survivors of holocausts in Europe and Africa, and so on. But it's unlikely that any of these will show up on the side of a football helmet or emblazoned across a cheerleader's sweater.
I applaud the NCAA for doing its part to promote a culture of respect; no good comes of treating one group of people as another group's mascot. Unfortunately, the NCAA has no say in the two most shockingly racist mascots: Cleveland's baseball Indians and Washington's football Redskins. The Indians' caps feature the visage of a big-nosed, grinning native (Chief Nockahoma? or was this the old Braves' mascot?); the Redskins' helmet features a less cartoon-like but no less appalling picture. Here they are, on cap and helmet:
Obviously, leagues and owners rely on the recognition of these team names and images; to change them would be suicide. But maybe not: a few years ago the NBA's Washington Bullets changed their name to the Wizards; immediately their merchandise became hugely popular. And teams regularly change the design, if not the names, of their mascots: remember Tampa Bay's Bruce the Buccanneer (the gayest mascot ever, incidentally) or the Bengals helmets that said "Bengals" on the side? I was thrilled to hear Tony Kornheiser, the smartest man in sports talk, offer a solution to the Redskins' problem: keep the name, but replace the image on the helmet with a picture of a redskin potato. Now you're not racist; you're delicious.
In the interest of contributing positively to the debate, I'd like to offer some alternative nicknames to the schools cited by the NCAA. Here we go:
Alcorn State University (Braves): Fighting Acorns
Central Michigan University (Chippewas): Ted Nugents
Catawba College (Indians): Awba Cats
Florida State University (Seminoles): Binge Drinkers
Midwestern State University (Indians): Flyovers
University of Utah (Utes): Mormons (almost too easy)
Indiana University-Pennsylvania (Indians): Jimmy Stewarts (he's from Indiana, PA)
Carthage College (Redmen): Hannibals
Bradley University (Braves): Cornstalks
Arkansas State University (Indians): Stag Beetles (hey, they're pretty tough)
Chowan College (Braves): Chow Hounds
University of Illinois-Champaign (Illini): Pillars (the I on the helmet kind of looks like a pillar)
University of Louisiana-Monroe (Indians): Crawdaddies
McMurry University (Indians): Furries
Mississippi College (Choctaws): Plantationers
Newberry College (Indians): The Recreational Boaters
University of North Dakota (Fighting Sioux): Sodbusters
Southeastern Oklahoma State University (Savages): Invaders
Cheers.
posted by Shane @ 9:08 PM
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